Of Past Regret and Future Fear
by Josephine Rayne
Summary: Years after high school, Caitie returns when Jamie is hurt. Completed!
1. Permanence of Change

Disclaimer: I don't own In A Heartbeat or ER where the title of this story comes from.  
  
A/N: A CSO is kind of like a judge's secretary, if anyone watches Judging Amy they know what I'm talking about… and as usual the names of parents and kids are the same as in all the rest of my stories.  
  
Of Past Regret and Future Fear  
  
Ch. 1- Permanence of Change  
  
Caitie Roth, sat at her desk tapping her fingers on it. She only had a few minutes before her next case.   
  
"Judge Roth?" said Caitie's new CSO, Helen. '"Mrs. Valerie Connell is here to see you."   
  
"Thank you, Helen. Send her in." Helen nodded and showed Val in.  
  
"Hey, Val." Caitie replied putting on her judge's attire. "I'd love to talk, but I'm due in court soon." She looked at Val, she wasn't smiling. Actually, Val looked unhappy, sad even. "What's wrong? Tyler? The baby?" Caitie asked. "Brooke? Or your parents?"  
  
"No, no. It's Jamie." Val stated. "He was in a car accident, early yesterday."  
* * *  
The thirty- one year old sat motionlessly as she sat in the airplane. Marguerite, Jamie's wife- or actually soon to be ex-wife- urged Caitie not to come, since there wasn't much she could do. But, Caitie didn't mind, even though it was a long trip from Boston to California, it was Jamie, after all, her "backup" best friend.   
  
She thought about a time, eight years ago when Jamie came to her apartment. Jamie had been twenty-one at the time and she had been twenty-two, both had graduated from college. Jamie was heading to California to med school and she was in law school. Everything had turned out the way they had planed. Tyler, Hank, Val where all on their way to med school as well, Tyler and Val dating each other.   
However, Jamie had come up to her saying: "Marguerite and I are getting married." Caitie had been astonished. They had only been going out for about two or three months., and had tried to persuaded Jamie to wait a few more months. It hadn't worked, the two had married the next month.  
  
Caitie, smiled at that memory. It was the same as now. Things had worked out for what it seemed, everyone but her. Tyler and Val had long since married and had a small son, Thomas. They had a family practice together, and were living near Caitie in Boston. Hank had married as well, to a woman named Angela. They had a daughter, Molly, who was three. Hank was a surgeon in a hospital in Florida. Brooke was president of a successful company she had started with Nick, her fiancée.   
  
Caited sighed. She loved her work, but every night she came home to no one by her cat. She thought of Jamie. He lived in northern California, with two kids, Elizabeth and Nathaniel. Until recently, he had a wife too. He was head doctor of the ER, and had a beautiful house.   
  
Jamie.  
  
She hoped he was alright. Marguerite hadn't been able to tell her much over the phone. "Welcome, to sunny California." the airline attendant said to the passengers.   
* * *  
A/N What do u think? Chapter 5 of Hit and Run and When it Rains it Pours will be up soon, I just felt like writing something new…  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. What’s Old is New Again

A/N I have to warn you, like AshlynValerie did, Elizabeth has a lot of nicknames:  
Liz, Bess, Beth, Bethie, Bessie, and Lizzy….  
  
Of Past Regret and Future Fear   
  
Ch. 2- What's Old is New Again   
  
Caitie, took a deep breathe, paid the taxi driver and walked into the hospital. "Can you tell me where ICU is?" Caitie asked a woman, but soon found herself face to face with Marguerite Waite.   
  
"Caitie! Hi, I was just going to pick you up from the airport." she stated. Marguerite's long curly red hair tied up in a ponytail, covered by a baseball hat and sunglasses.   
  
"My flight got in early." Caitie replied shifting the weight of her suitcase into another hand.  
  
"Well, I'll take you home, you must be tired from your trip."   
  
"I was just going to stay in a hotel." Caitie said, just only really wanting to see Jamie, at that moment.   
  
"No, no. Besides Bess and Nat have been dying to see you."  
  
Caitie smiled, she loved Jamie's kids. "Alright."  
* * *  
"Hank, Tyler, Brooke, and Val wished they could come." Caitie replied minutes later at Marguerite's house, over coffee in the kitchen. She nodded. Caitie felt strange. It hadn't been the first time she stayed at Jamie and Marguerite's house, but now it wasn't Jamie's home. He lived in another house not far from here. She felt uncomfortable. Marguerite and Caitie had never really talked before, and weren't friends. Well, Caitie liked her and had nothing against Marguerite but, somehow she always felt Marguerite resented her because Jamie and Caitie were so close.  
  
"How is Jamie?" Caitie asked, as four year old Nathaniel plopped himself on Caitie's lap.   
  
"He received internal and brain injuries. Jamie's in a coma right now." Jamie's ex wife stated shaking her head sadly. "I told him to get rid of that stupid motorcycle. But, he doesn't listen to me, especially not now."  
  
"What happened between you two?" Caitie asked.  
  
"This and that, he was gone all the time at work, I never saw him. We just grew apart, you know?"   
  
Caitie nodded. She felt sad for them. They had been married for almost nine years, and had two wonderful kids. That was a lot more then Caitie had. She hadn't been serious with anyone for years.   
  
"Mommy, can I see Daddy now?" eight year old Elizabeth said, coming into the room, looking at her mother and then hugging Caitie.  
  
"Maybe Auntie Caitie can take you, I have to pick up something at work." Marguerie said, referring to her job, as teacher.   
  
"Sure." Caitie replied. "I can take them."  
* * *  
A/N Good? Bad? What do u think?   
  
  
  
  



	3. It Ain’t Over Till It’s Over

A/N Longer? I'll try…Thanks to twirlgirl04 for help.   
  
Of Past Regret and Future Fear  
  
Ch. 3: It Ain't Over Till It's Over  
  
Caitie, walked into Jamie's room quietly, holding his children in both hands. She almost gasped when she saw the state that Jamie was in. He had a long breathing tube that was taped to his mouth, and a white bandage was wrapped around his head. Jamie had bruises all over his body and had a paler then usual appearance. Also, several other machines were circling the bed.   
  
Nat whimpered next to Caitie, and she glanced at the four year old. "Bethie, why don't you take your brother outside?"   
  
As Beth and Nat left, Caitie stepped closer and closer towards her friend. "Jamie-" she started to say, but was interrupted by a doctor.  
  
"Mrs. Waite?" he said adjusting his glasses.   
  
"No, I'm Caitlin Roth, a friend of Jamie's." Caitie replied. "How is he?"  
  
"Still critical. We'll know more when he wakes up." the doctor explained. "Then we can determine how much damage has been done."   
  
" When will he wake up?"  
  
"I don't know. It could be tomorrow or a year from now. I'm sorry." Caitie nodded. "I'll leave you alone now, I can check on him later."  
  
"Jamie," Caitie started again. "You better not die."  
  
* * *  
  
"Marguerite!" Caitie called into the house, Nathaniel and Elizabeth running off, their ice cream dripping off the cones.  
  
"I'm in the den." she heard Marguerite call back.  
  
"They were pretty upset after seeing Jamie, so I stopped for ice cream. I hope that's alright." asked Caitie.  
  
"It's fine." Marguerite said looking up, her eyes puffy and red. "I can't stand to see him like that." she shrugged and continued. "Even though we're no longer together, I still love him I always will. I don't know what I'll do if he dies- what the kids will, they adore him." Caitie, wrapped her arms around her as she started to cry again.  
  
Later that night, after everyone had gone to sleep, Caitie decided to write the next chapter of a book she had been writing, however she just couldn't seem to start it, because she could not get her mind of one thing. She loved him too…  
  
* * *  
A/N Sorry about the cliffhanger, and I know it was short, sorry about that too. I just write till the idea in my head stops, and this in where it did. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it. I'll be back with a new chapter after I get back from vacation, ( the 15th or so.)   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Of Past Regret and Future Fear

A/N Ok here you go, chapter 4. ~*~ That means a memory. I didn't get that many reviews for chapter 3, are u guys still interested? Well anyway, without further ado…  
  
Of Past Regret and Future Fear  
  
Ch. 4- Of Past Regret and Future Fear  
  
Caitie signed, putting her pen down. This was ridiculous, Jamie was in a coma, she had to kept her mind on that. She had to keep her mind on helping Elizabeth and Nathaniel . And Marguerite. It was what Jamie would have wanted. There was no need to think about the future, right now, she had to deal with the present- and the past- first.   
  
*~*   
"You're going to Boston?" Jamie asked, holding Caitie's hand. "What about us?" he asked questioning the look in her eyes.  
  
"You only have one more year left, then you can join me." Caitie stated. "I have to go, you and I both know Boston is where I need to be. I have to go to college, Jamie."   
  
"So, you want to break up?" he asked. Caitie tried to avoid his eyes. They were young, she was a senior soon to be graduating, he a junior. she wanted to try new things, be free of the old. Including Jamie.   
  
"We're going in different directions." she said, it was lame she knew ,but she couldn't tell him the truth. She didn't want to be tried down, she wanted to do other things, go other places, things that Jamie could not do. Caitie wanted to experience life, before she settled with just one guy. "I'm sorry." she said walking away from , Jamie a boy she knew she still loved, but also knew she couldn't be with. Days later she tried to re sure herself that she had done the right thing. If they were meant to be together, they would. They would find each other again one day.  
~*~  
Caitie awoke with as start. She had fallen asleep at her desk. Caitie remembered that day, years ago, she realized now that she had been stupid to leave, her one regret but the day that they would find each other again was now, Caitie knew it.  
* * *  
A week flew by, and Jamie had still not awoken. She knew that she should be getting back to Boston, back to work. But, she couldn't go until Jamie was awake. So, she spent her time writing, glad that she had finally found the time to do it. She wrote a story about one of the children she had in counted at her work in juvenile law court (A/N As you can tell I like Judging Amy. :-D) . She also took care of Beth and Nat, taking them to museums and parks, even to the beach, although they were in northern California. Caitie talked to Val , Tyler, Hank, Brooke, Alex, Jamie's parents and brother, his friends, giving them status reports so Marguerite wouldn't have to do it. She was buying time, while Jamie slept.   
  
~* ~  
"She's beautiful don't you think?" Jamie replied holding up a newly born Elizabeth *Caitlin* Waite., to Caitie. They had regained touch after high school., although never again a couple . Caitie had been busy with law school , which had shocked everyone, including Caitie who had never thought she'd end up a lawyer. However, this had left time for Jamie to find Marguerite O'Brien , his new wife of one year.   
  
"She 's wonderful, Jamie." Caitie replied, her first time out to see Jamie since his wedding. "Aren't you a cutie , Bethie?" Caitie replied tickling the dark black haired baby's foot, and using her nickname for Elizabeth, for the first time. She had -  
~* ~  
Caitie stirred as young Nat shoved his "Aunt" awake. "Mommy, wants to talk to you ." he mumbled. Caitie play with the red haired's head, and kissed his forehead.  
  
"Marguerite?" she called into her bedroom, noticing the light on.  
  
"Can you get the kids ready? The hospital just called. They said to come right away." she said trying desperately to put her shoes on., trying to behave calmly.  
  
Caitie rushed as well, putting the sleeping eight and four year olds in the car. What was wrong? Had Jamie awoken? Or worse yet was he dead? Caitie shuddered at that thought. She wanted to patch things up with Jamie, to try again, and most importantly she wanted him to be alive for his kids.   
  
"Mrs. Waite. I have some important news to tell you about your husband…."  
***   
A/N Thanks to Arcadia for beta reading :-D   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Nobody's Seen the Trouble I've Seen

Of Past Regret and Future Fear  
  
Ch. 5- Nobody's Seen the Trouble I've Seen   
  
"What is it?" Marguerite Waite asked the doctor, holding tight to her small children. "Is Jamie alright?"  
  
"Yes." the doctor nodded, Caitie breathed a sigh of relief. "He has woken up from the coma."   
  
"That's great." Marguerite said smiling. "Can we see him?"  
  
"Of course. But, there are some things I must tell you." the doctor stated. "Jamie has lost some motor and language skills. In time with a therapist he could return to the way he was, but it's going to take a lot of work. I know Jamie from the ER, he's a great doctor, and a hard worker, I'm sure he'll be fine."  
  
"Thank you." Marguerite replied. Caitie stayed behind as Jamie's wife walked into his room, she wasn't apart of his family, she was not the person he would be wanting to see most. However, an half an hour later, she did see him.   
  
"Hi." Caitie said, falling in love with him all over again. "Good to see you up." But, Jamie wasn't actually up, he was still in the bed and was still hooked up to the respirator. The doctor had said they had to wean Jamie off it, a little at a time.   
  
Caitie could see a smile on Jamie's face and a gentle nod from his head.   
* * *  
(Four weeks later)  
  
She was out staying her welcome. She knew it. Caitie also knew that she should be getting back to her job before she ran out of her personal days and lost her job.   
  
Jamie was doing better, and was out of the hospital. She helped him with his therapies and he was regaining his strength back. However, he could still not walk, sometimes he would miss a word in a sentence, and other things like that. The doctors were saying he was doing better, that he was making great improvement. Caitie really should have left then, even Val said she should, but, she couldn't with out telling Jamie she loved him, and that she had been stupid, when she left so many years before.  
  
Except, that was better said then done.  
  
The truth was she liked Marguerite. She was a great mother and a great person in general, and Caitie knew that more then ever, Marguerite wanted to fix her marriage. She didn't want to hurt, Marguerite or the children. But, she also had a fear of what her life would be like if she lost Jamie, again.   
  
"Jamie?" Caitie asked.   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"I have something I need to tell you."   
  
"What is it?" Jamie replied turning towards Caitie as she bent down and kissed him.  
  
"I love you." she replied kissing him again, but was pulled back by Jamie's hands.  
  
"I can't." Jamie replied. "This accident well, it made me realize that I spent way to much time, with work. I need to be with my family. I'm going to work things out with Marguerite."  
  
Caitie nodded sadly.   
  
"Besides didn't you say those same words soon before you left me?"  
  
"I hurt you badly didn't I?" Caitie replied.  
  
"It wouldn't work between us." he stated ignoring her question that made, Caitie realize that she had. It hadn't just been the fact that Jamie wanted to work things out with Marguerite, she had hurt him and that could never be fixed. He turned back to what he was doing.  
* * *  
A day later Caitie was on an airplane back to Boston. Back to her lonely life. A single tear rolled down her face, she had lost her only love not to death or an accident but to a mistake.  
* * *  
A/N That's it, depressing I know, but What do u think good, bad?   
Thanks to ARICRAZE for beta reading  
  
  



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